May 4, 2010

…Praying for God to MOVE or MOVE me… …AND that HE did… And continues to do….
My heart and spirit are overwhelmed with JOY! About a year ago in June is when I really ‘knew’ that I was blessed with the calling of MISSIONS work; I found myself being burdened with the uncertainty of my future years before God sweetly spoke to my heart though. I earnestly prayed and sought different routes I felt he was leading me into. Most of these memories I now have of those days are viewed on the positive side rather than before, with temporary heartache and confusion; it’s called Clarity. Clarity found me once I opened my whole heart to Christ and I actually SAT still for once and just listened. All I could hear the spirit saying was, “Be still.” “Beautiful Mary, be still.” And for once in my chaotic mess, I listened without hesitation. I was FOREVER blessed and changed in my thought process of how this life can be used for the greater WILL of what God has in mind. His plan, HOW magnificent that is to say aloud!! Ah!! I, right now, want to jump towards Heaven! That feeling when you feel weightless and shaky, and overwhelmed with a smile that you can’t wipe off your face – the Holy Spirit visits me at THIS time. THANK YOU!!! It’s such an amazing place to find myself wrapped in, and now when he comes I want to sit and listen so that I can be completely filled with SUCH joy. He’s beautiful.
Being called into the Missions field is not something that I know the world will agree with and most will perceive as ‘losing touch with reality,’ “but it would be CRAZY to choose this world over eternity!” (Thank you for those AWESOME words of where my heart sits, Mercy Me). I often tossed the idea of Missions work up in the air here and there, and flirted with the places to visit well before I exited High School; never being very serious about it though. Until I felt this driven force on my shoulders to SEEK more, to STAY in his continuous grip, and have a humble, praiseful HEART. I knew God was calling me to something, but I was too distracted with the ways of this world. Denying that it was HIS voice, and turning the other way out of fear of what he was really saying was, WHAT HE WAS REALLY SAYING. God writes this unique story with all of us, and halleluiah that I realize this NOW. “How great is OUR God, sing with me, how great is OUR God!” Worthy of worship ALL of these days! (By this point, you realize that I have such randomness throughout my words)… Needless to say, I’m not the BEST story teller. 
A year ago in June is when I really FELT the smack across my face about being a Missionary. His word stood out to me like a magnified glass, “Many are called Mary, but few are chosen.” That is all I could think about when I heard his voice… I knew that mentioning, or announcing the fact that this is what I will do one day would be a whirlwind of rejection that would await me; especially having a precious baby girl to look after. Of course, God is who he is and as if he was writing on the page before me I envisioned the story of Abraham and Isaac. Immediately I felt a peace about this and I began to pray day in and day out about this calling. I believe that I sort of shunned the idea of being a Missionary for some time now and even have had you, Brother Chris pray for me for God to MOVE, or MOVE me. And in the words of Brother Chris and his prayers that he spoke aloud that morning at the Alter, I felt the Holy Spirit saying…”You know the plans I have for you Mary…” I cried. I didn’t want to accept it at that time, but why? I continued on feeling as if I didn’t have a clue what the Lord was telling me… I searched and searched the world for an understanding that in the back of my mind, I knew I would never find. I felt like I was always calling on God to reveal his WILL for me, to make a way, to PAVE the street for me to travel down so that I wouldn’t MISS the opportunity to DO what he was calling me to do. I started praying even more for God to move in such a dramatic way or move me so that I may SEE more clearly… I told myself, I will learn to play the guitar and use that towards my ministry; I went to the first open/free class that Frank had. God quickly said, Mary, this is great but now is not the time.  And then I realize…
I felt God leading me to Corpus about a year ago; outrageous as it may sound to you was exactly the way it sounded to me. I rejected that instantly and thought, there is NO way Paisley and I could do that. I can’t leave my family, friends, OR my comfort zone… Are you kidding me!
My best friend moved to Corpus exactly a year ago in June to be with her Husband. It’s a rarity how submissive they both are to Christ and his calling for their lives. God works mysteriously and like I said before, he writes a unique story within each of our lives to be a testimony for others. She instantly began to tell me about her faith MORE and MORE everyday, and how much she was AT PEACE now. (Given her situation here and how she fought and fought God’s will for her life without ever realizing she was fighting against HIM; could you imagine the pain, ache, confusion and neglect you feel?) Yes of course, because before WE realize its God, that is the state we are in. Refusing HIS peace all along and not knowing that he patiently waits to tell us, “Hey darlin, I’ve been here all along, waiting to give you what you need and desire; don’t refuse what I have for you anymore.” That melts my heart in such a way that is unspeakable.
Being led to Corpus without even really knowing the exact reason why, I finally said “Yes Lord, I’ll go.” This gave me an extreme hesitation because I knew that Satan was instantly starting to attack me. The racing thoughts of, “You can’t do this” or “Why would you not think of your daughter” came into puzzle and cloud my mind. All I could, and can do is say aloud, “Away from me Satan, in the name of the Lord! Flee from me for you are NOT welcome here in Jesus’ name.” I find rest in those words EACH day. I expressed my heart to the closest people to me first and tested the waters after praying to God to give me the strength and the peace to react in a way that HE would see fit. I knew as soon as I said YES to God, that the world would say NO to me. I am ready to lose this world for the greater gain of his kingdom! After making the news known to many, I prayed… “Father, if at all possible please take this cup from me; I don’t want to be a disappointment to my family or friends. I don’t want to be perceived as a bad mother or as a runaway. ” God said, “What does my word say about YOU?” I was blessed with scriptures in Luke 18 verses 18-30… WOW!!! Overwhelming to read and read, and then read again. HOW beautiful is his word – HIS living word.
So after surrendering my worldly flesh, these chains and this doubtful bag of rocks - - - Paisley and I will move June 5th to Corpus and will stay with my best friend and her husband until I find a job. I believe this is Phase I of my transitioning into the Missionary lifestyle. Once I get my transcripts sent to Texas A&M I will register for classes. Nursing has been my passion for as long as I could, and can remember, but it has been my worldly passion. I will first get my Bachelors in Communications then get my Masters in Religious Studies thereafter. God will determine each and every step that I take in the Education process as well as the working world. My request is you all pray many hours for this journey that Paisley and I will be on. God will settle and outline as we go and I truly trust him by remaining faithful to the call. I don’t have it figured out or planned out; which is completely outside of my comfort zone, but that is where HE is. He will do unimaginable things through Paisley and me; which makes me ALL the more eager to express in the future of how listening and BEING STILL that one time created such a profound ministry for his kingdom.